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My dreams bridge the gap between sanity and reality…

June 28, 2009

So in the middle of this horrible purgatory that is my life right now I found a small moment of happiness but that moment wasn’t meant to last.  In fact that moment didn’t even exist in the first place, it was nothing but a dream.  I don’t normally broadcast my dreams but this particular one was so soul shattering I feel compelled to put it to words.

I can never really remember my dreams in any detail so whenever I talk about them I find that I am the only person who can truly understand them.  What remains vivid are the emotions, especially when I am this shaken by a dream.  What shook me about this dream is the fact that it was so real, I didn’t know that I was dreaming.

I dreamt two dreams at once last night at the same time, both different yet one in the same.  Interspersed.  I was on a bus, on my way to an airplane, on my way home.  The feeling that in less than seven hours I would see my wife again was real, I have felt it before and I long to feel it again.

At the same time I was also home.  I was reunited with my bride after two months apart, two long months.  It was real.  I held her, I looked in her eyes, touched her skin.  It was the happiest I have been in a while.  My mind urged my body to keep dreaming as the light seeped though the blinds but reason begged to differ.

I woke up in a gasp, angry at the ether.  I woke up in reality, an all too brutal reality that seems to stretch on forever.  I was shaken to my core.  I was overwhelmed with a feeling of loneliness and desolation.  The feelings that I wait to have every day when I finally get to go back home teased me last night.  They toyed with my sanity and to be perfectly honest they may just have won.  Its as if someone twisted a knife in an already open wound.

I need to go home.

Emotions and my photography are one and the same so I have included some old shots here that remind me of home and what it is that I am enduring these endless days for.  If you would like to now more about them just click through to the Flickr page.

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